Paradise Dream Bridge Edit
Cross the Bridge or Die Trying! Edit
With Paradise soon to be Nuked, the Postal Dude makes his escape via the Bridge. During his escape, the Dude is assaulted by hostile U.N. peacekeepers and Cute Zombies.
Don't Press the Shiny Red Button Edit
After making his way through the bridge, the Dude meets the U.N. ranking commander who was impressed by how the Dude "Totally did not just kill his men" (he says this even if you simply maced them). Putting the Dude in charge of guarding the bridge control room, and telling him NOT to press the bridge control button under any circumstances. Naturally, for him (and the player) to progress, the Dude does so anyway.
Porn World Edit
Sticky Kleenex Wads Edit
After escaping the nuclear blast, the Dude finds himself in Catharsis where he runs out of gas. Needing money, the Dude visits a local business where he is hired on the spot by the owner, Ron J, to clean up all the spunk wads on the floor with the Shop Vac.
Not You Bitches Again Edit
During the course of the Postal Dude's new job, the shop gets attack by a codrey of Hockey Moms. Fortunately, they have a weakness again jizz wads causing them to vomit. It's up to the Postal Dude and the Shop Vac to chase these crazy MILFs out before it's too late.
Diseased Cat Roundup Edit
AIDS Cats Collector Edit
Failing to get paid, the Postal Dude takes up another job of collecting fifteen Insane H.I.V. infected Cats after his predecessor fails spectacularly. With some industrial strength Catnip, it's up to the Postal Dude to "save" the poor kitties.
And some cat-eating assholes don't like "gaijin" stealing all of their precious meat. Despite this meddling, the Postal Dude valiantly continues to collect the sick cats.
Jen Walcott's Bodyguard Edit
After getting a call from Vince, the Postal Dude gets a job running security for Jen Walcott's autograph signing at the Catharsis Mega Mall. Given the Taser, Jen warns the Dude not to use lethal force else he'll be attacked by the Cops. With the training out of the way, the doors open and Jen is verbally assaulted by the leader of the Hockey Moms. Not wanting to take this, Jen arms herself with a lethal shovel and a brawl ensues.
Cash Mart Robbery Edit
Desperate, the Postal Dude goes to take out a steaming payday loan. By mischance, he runs into the Ecotologists as they execute their "armed fundraising drive". This causes to Police to show up with the Postal Dude caught up in the ensuing firefight. The Postal Dude has three options here.
Option 1: Join the Police Force Edit
Choosing to help the Cops, the Postal Dude takes out the Ecotologists on the first floor then the second before culminating into a battle against an Ecozealot leader with a BadgerSaw.
Option 2: Join the Ecotologists Edit
Choosing to help the Ecotologists, the Postal Dude murders the Police force causing SWAT to drop in. After taking them out, the Cops send in a damn helicopter to take out the Dude.
Option 3: Cleanse the building Edit
The true path of Insanity, the Postal Dude commits a proper Genocide of everyone in the Building, though he winds up working with the Ecotologists regardless.
"The Earth is hungry. It's heart throbs and demands cleansing. The Earth is also thirsty." — The Demon