| Who said Postal doesn't have a storyline?
This article may contain significant plot details, please read at your own risk.
Meet the Zealots Edit
Honeycrisp or Fuji? Edit
With the gift of the Badger Saw, the Postal Dude is taken to the Ecotologists Compound where he meets their leader, Al. After some pointless banter, it's time for the super fun apple picking mission because the Postal Dude needs some character building.
Hello Osama Edit
After some super fun apple collecting, the compound gets attack by Al Queda who seek the Badger Saw technology. Naturally, the Ecotologists need help (cause they suck). After getting some Bee Hives from Al, it's time for the super fun terrorist hunting mission.
The Champ Whisperer Edit
Still with fresh blood on his hands (terrorist or otherwise), The Postal Dude runs into Champ who seems to have a taste for Hobo scrotum. The Police were not amused and Champ was taken to court where he gets sentenced to obedience school. And then Mexi-Sushi concern attack the owner for "keeping the prime cuts for himself". With a laser pointer in hand, it's time to make these assholes all play dead.
Segway Repo Man Edit
The Postal Dude has gotten himself a job at the local "Thegway" dealership. Seems some assholes have taken several thegways without paying and are running amuck in Catharsis. Let me get my Reapo Gun.
Slave "boy" Escort Edit
Gary Coleman mask Edit
The Postal Dude by chance runs into Uncle Dave at a political rally for Mayor Chomo where he gets offered a super secret job. After the rally, the Postal Dude meets the Mayor who needs some help sneaking out his Malaysian Slave Boy out of City Hall which is swarming with paparazzi.
The Last Paparazzi Edit
Before the Postal Dude can safely escort the 40 year old boy out of City Hall, a lone surviving Paparazzi gets a picture. He boasts then runs off only to find the front door is locked. The Postal Dude is coming.
Monkey Test Lab Assault Edit
Blood Monkeys Edit
While things didn't turn out so well with the Mayor, his hot ecotologist spy secretary knows where Champ is. After getting him a job at the Evoluscious Cosmetics Lab, the Postal Dude lets his Ecotologist buddies in and chaos ensues. Time to free some animals.
Dude with a monkey Edit
Seems the Postal Dude is a bit jealous of a scientist who has a totally awesome Helper Monkey. Make him share.
Krotchy Meal Toy Delivery Edit
Thegway biker gang Edit
After saving Champ and promptly losing him again, the Postal Dude gets a call from Uncle Dave who has another job for him. After a brief meeting with Osama, the Postal Dude is tasked with delivering some Krotchy Dolls to Krotchy's Tossed Salad via Thegway. Randy Jones, not too happy about this, calls upon his Biker gang to stop the Dude.
Mexican Viagra Courier Edit
Find La Farmacia Edit
After a successful delivery, Uncle Dave has another job for the Dude. This time he has to pick up some "viyaggra" down in Mexico for Uncle Dave's repopulation bunker. Seems simple enough.
Mexican Football Edit
After finding the La Farmacia, it turns out that American money is worthless now, Pesos only. Needing work, some guys pops up, asking the Postal Dude to throw some Footballs over the border fence. Seems simple enough.
El DEA Edit
It seems the local authorities aren't too happy about the Postal Dude's footballing. Time for some Self-defense.
Prisoner Without A Clue Edit
After getting caught by the Mexican authorities, the Postal Dude finds himself deported back to America and in prison. During breakfast, some Ecotologists proposition him for an escort mission. Yip...pie.
Battle Damage Krotchy Edit
Now a fugitive on the run, the Postal Dude looks to Krotchy for help. And a boss battle with the giant scrotum ensues.
Gay Rodeo Edit
Shit cleaning Scrotum Edit
Not long after commandeering Krotchy's suit, his phone goes off for a gig at the local gay rodeo. The job, entertain the kids and clean up shit with the shop vac. There are no kids but plenty of shit.
Cops vs Ecotologists 2 Edit
Another battle has broken out between the Cops and Ecotologists. Pick a side (or not) then start shooting.
Meth Rhino again Edit
Seems the Ecotologist have gotten an oddly painted Rhino hopped up on Meth. Said Rhino wants the Pitboss dead. No Pitboss = No pay so save the bastard.
Champ Rescue Edit
After wandering about Catharsis in the Krotchy suit, the Postal Dude stumbles upon a trail of Champ's dog shit. Following the trail underground, the Postal Dude ditches the Krotchy suit and continues his search for his lost dog. Careful though, it's full of Mexi-sushi workers.
Old Catharsis Edit
Deep in the caverns of the Grotto, the Postal Dude finds Al (who apparently owns the Mexi-suhi concern) selling the lab animals who were freed by the Ecotologists back to the Scientists of Evoluscious Cosmetics. Not happy about this, Champ is fighting a one dog rescue mission to free the imprisoned animals. The Postal Dude graciously helps.
After saving the animals underground, the Postal Dude gets a call on the Krotchy phone. Seems Uncle Dave needs some plutonium from the Krotchy dolls for his home made nuke. Not wanting to give up his favorite toy, the Dude improvises. After delivering the "plutonium", he gets himself a gig running the projectors for the Mayor's speech at Daveland. Unfortunately, the tapes get mixed up and all hell breaks lose. Time to get out of dodge, fast.