"I REGRET NOTHING! " — Postal Dude leaving Paradise
The Dude wakes up at Vince's Safehouse and has to fend off attacking zombies. After that, he gets recruited by Rosco to kill Elephants so he can make trash cans for children. After butchering the Elephants, Vince calls The Dude back and tells him he needs something flashy to sell their new product. Instinctivly, The Dude heads to the Terrorist Training Camp to steal a Nuke and blow up the whole city of Paradise. The Dude is unable to find a nuke at the terrorist training camp and is detained by the military and ends up at the Military Base where he finds the nuke. After he steals the Nuke, The Dude heads back to Bullfish Interactive to plant it. Before leaving, The Dude forgets to rescue Champ, so he heads to the pound, where Rednecks have taken over the animal population. Dude battles through the hordes of Dogs and Cats, only to be ambushed by a group of Dogs towards the end of the pound. Suddenly, Champ busts from a window and saves Dude. With Champ reclaimed, The Dude leaves the pound and heads for Paradise bridge to leave Paradise once and for all. On the bridge, he battles Zombies, civilians with weapons, and the military. On the other side of the bridge, The Dude has another hallucination. This time, Mike J, who caught Mad Cow earlier this day, appears as a large demonic Devil/Cow hybrid. Remarking how "some developer must have lost his tiny mind", Dude fights Mike J and defeats him, and leaves Paradise as it is destroyed in the nuclear blast.
- Kill 80 Zombies: Vince's safehouse is under attack and Postal Dude needs to kill 80 zombies to lock down the compound. (The number of zombies that the player has to kill can vary depending on difficulty.)
- Kill 10 elephants: Roscoe employs Dude to kill 10 Elephants.
- Get the Nuke: Postal Dude needs to steal a Jihad Nuke in order to blow up Paradise.
- Save Champ: Postal Dude needs to rescue Champ before Paradise goes up in flames.
- Escape Paradise: The Postal Dude needs to cut and run before the nuke goes off. Cross the bridge or die trying!
- Defeat Mike J and leave Paradise for good: The only thing stopping Dude from leaving is Mike J. Dude walks free after Mikes corpse is on the ground.