The Priests are in charge of the administration of the religious rites in the Church. Priests appear all over Paradise for the whole week, but they play a role on Tuesday when one of the errands of the Postal Dude is to confess his sins. The Postal Dude enters the church and, if he steals the money from the offertory box, the priest in the entrace hall will attack him. The Postal Dude then goes to the confessionary to confess his sins to another priest. After stating that he has really sinned, the priest asks the Postal Dude if he dropped an offertory to the box, and the Postal Dude answers "yes". The priest forgives him and calls for the next person in line.
In that very same moment, three priests are seen having a conversation outisde the church, when they are killed by an exploding terrorist. A whole group of terrorists appears and declare war against the "infidels", while some armed priests come outside the church as a response to the attack, thus starting a gun battle.
- An individual wearing priest clothes in the Main Street is actually a robber. Whether it is a real priest or just someone pretending to be one, it is not revealed.
- It is implied that the priests of Paradise are pedophiles, since advertisements located in the Police Station invite the residents of Paradise to take their sons to a group called "Father Tucheez", run by the priests. No girls are allowed in the group.
- On Tuesday, a priest is seen in one of the rooms at Bates Hotel alongside with a man wearing a Gimp Suit.
- Only a single priest is seen in Paradise Lost. He is at the cemetery fighting zombies with a sledgehammer.
|Characters in Postal²|
|Postal Dude | The Bitch | Champ | Vince Desi | Mike J | Habib | Gary Coleman | Krotchy | Larry the Crab | Uncle Dave | Osama | Phraud Hogslop | Junkyard Guy | Earl | Rosco | T. Dude, Sr. | Lieberman | Zombie Dad | Easter Bunny | Zack Ward | Big McWillis | Yeeland | Old Man | John Murray | Milo Yiannopoulos | PU CEO | Two-Ears | That Beloved Bookcase|
|Law Enforcement Organizations|
|Police | SWAT | National Guard | ATF | Lawmen | Survivalists|
|RWS Protestors | Book Protestors | Rednecks | Butchers | Carriers | Vegetarians | Food Technicians | Game Devs | Gingers | Bandits | Survivalists|
|Civilians | RWS Staff | Robbers | Marching Band | Terrorists | Priests | Coleman's Crew | Religious Zealots | Postal Babes | Security Staff | Zombies | Skeletons | Cole-Men | HAAT | DEET | Robots|
|Dogs | Cats | Elephants | Cows | Monkeys | Dinosaurs|