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- This article is about the Postal Dude as he appears in the Postal video games. For the version that appears in the Postal movie, see: The Postal Dude (film)
The Postal Dude is the titular protagonist of the POSTAL series.
Personality[]
Despite the inherently violent nature of the POSTAL games, Postal Dude is more aligned with an anti-hero, unless he is taken down a different path otherwise by the player. It is clear that he takes joy from other's pain, but these tendacies can be suppressed, unlike the original Postal Dude.
While most of the game is up to the player's decision, it is clear to see that Postal Dude is impulsive, snarky, and a bit of a dick, but he also has his good qualities. Yep. Good qualities... totally.
POSTAL[]
"The Earth is hungry. Its heart throbs and demands cleansing. The Earth is also thirsty." — Home opening cutscene
In POSTAL the Dude we know and love today differs significantly from the first game. Back when Running with Scissors was trying to find its footing with this franchise, the Postal Dude, as a character, was not touched upon, only hinted at through his Diary- and later War Journal- entries (found in the game's manual and in Redux on harder difficulties), voice lines, and the ending. From what can be gleaned, it is clear that the Postal Dude has undergone a mental breakdown due to several factors- one of which is being kicked out of his house (evidenced by the moving truck in front of his house and by the diary entry found in the original game's manual and the harder modes in Redux). While the original choice was for the Postal Dude to be possessed by a demon (with Rick Hunter's lines being named 'demon' in the files and having Vince Desi doing the normal grunts), this was changed in POSTAL Redux, where Rick Hunter does all the voice lines.
According to his diary, the Postal Dude believes that he is the only unaffected person by chemical warfare that caused everyone else to be murderous. As such, when he fights through the masses, he does not see them as people but as infected.
There are two endings, depending on the version. POSTAL has the Dude going to an elementary school. However, a cutscene plays out where Postal Dude tries to hurt the kids but cannot. Eventually, he collapses to the ground, with children's laughter ringing in his ears.
POSTAL Redux scrapped this ending because it no longer applies as an unthinkable nightmare. Instead, the Dude walks towards a casket lowered into the ground with no one but a priest at the funeral. If completed on the harder difficulties, two figures are standing there- presumably the Postal Dude and presumably his ex-wife. Both end the same, with Postal Dude collapsing on the ground and children's laughter ringing in his ears.
The game ends on a cutscene of the Postal Dude in a mental institution, with a doctor discussing the events of the game and commenting on the Dude's mental state.
POSTAL 2[]
"Yeah, well crack doesn't buy itself."
In POSTAL 2, he has moved out from his original home to the town of Paradise after accepting a job at the local video game developer. He lives in a shabby trailer in a small neighborhood with his pet Champ the dog and unnamed wife, who continuously gives him orders while forcing the Dude to do various annoying errands.
Monday[]
When the Postal Dude goes to the RWS headquarters on Monday, he is informed by Vince Desi that he's fired. This and an anti-video game protest mob by the Parents for Decency began his second reign of terror. After getting his paycheck, the Dude then proceeds to go to cash the check in the Fee of America bank. Just as the Postal Dude is cashing his check, a group of bank robbers arrives to commit a stick-up. However, if the Dude breaks into the money bin to get the money from there, an alarm will sound and he will have his first clash against the Police. After cashing his check, the Postal Dude goes to Lucky Ganesh to get some milk. Once he returns home, the Dude informs his wife the Bitch that he's "on sabbatical", so she decides to get him to do more errands for her for the rest of the week.
Tuesday[]
On Tuesday, the Postal Dude decides it's time to confess his sins, so he goes to the Church to be forgiven by a priest. Meanwhile, a group of Taliban terrorists arrive and commit their attack, breaking into the Church, so the Dude must face a large group of them in order to escape. After that, the Postal Dude must get eight signatures for a petition to "make whiny congressmen play violent video games", which makes him deal with lots of rude civilians and prompts him to threaten them if they refuse to sign. The Postal Dude must then go to the Library to return a book his wife has been reading. However, once he has returned it, a group of book protestors break into the library, burn the building down, and attack everyone within it, including the Dude. He must find himself a way out of the library and fight many book protestors. Finally, he has to go to the Paradise Mall, where Gary Coleman has arrived to give away autographed copies of his book. Once there, the Postal Dude gets his copy. Suddenly, the Police arrives to arrest Gary, initiating a fight against him and his crew.
Wednesday[]
On Wednesday, the Postal Dude decides to go to the Cemetery and piss on his father's tombstone. When he does so, the Dude is knocked unconscious by a group of rednecks who take him to the Brewery. When the Postal Dude wakes up in the Brewery, he realizes the rednecks have removed his own clothes and made him wear a Gimp Suit, so the Postal Dude adds one more errand that is going to Money Shot Laundromat to pick up his laundry. After fighting a large group of rednecks and getting out of the Brewery, people everywhere make fun of him until he gets his clothes back. Wednesday is also Election Day, and Cock Asian is hosting the elections. Also during Wednesday, the Dude goes to the Forest to get a Xmas Tree. Given that it's July, the trees are much cheaper. After looking at several trees, the Postal Dude finally chooses the right one, but summons rednecks to attack him once more.
Thursday[]
On Thursday, the Postal Dude notes that the weeds in his garden are getting too tall, so he needs something extra strong and decides to buy a Napalm Launcher at the Napalm Factory. Once he manages to get the launcher, a factory worker vomits on a power box presumably operating the machinery at the factory, causing a major disruption in the production process, resulting in a major explosion that destroys part of the factory. The Dude must find a way to get out of the factory via alternative ways. Also on Thursday, Krotchy has arrived at Paradise Mall, so the Dude must get a Krotchy Doll. When he arrives at Toyz 'n tha Hood, Krotchy tells him that all of the available Krotchy dolls are sold out, but the Postal Dude breaks into the store's back room anyway, and manages to get a doll from the storage. This calls the Police into the store in an attempt to arrest him. After defeating the police and getting out of the back room, the Postal Dude has to confront Krotchy himself. During that same day, the Postal Dude wants to get some steaks for the Psychotic Friends Network Barbeque he's planning to attend, so he goes to Meat World. However, there is no one attending in the butchery, so he goes to the back room, where he discovers some Butchers triturating people alive in a grinder. The butchers attack the Postal Dude for discovering them and entering into the back room. Once the Dude gets the steaks, the police enters the place and tries to arrest the Dude again for trepassing. Finally, the Postal Dude must go to the Police Station to pay a Traffic Citation. Eventually, he returns to his Trailer and fires the Napalm Launcher at the carpet.
Friday[]
On Friday, the Postal Dude goes to the Junkyard to get an alternator to fix his broken car. Once he gets the alternator, a tower crushes over a fence containing some dogs, blocking the exit and letting the dogs out out which attack him until he exits the junkyard. On the same day, he gets a note that says there is a package for him, so he goes to the Parcel Center. However, when a carrier gets it for the Dude, it explodes, making the carriers attack the Dude in retaliation. Friday is also Uncle Dave's birthday, and the Postal Dude wants to give him a Birthday Gift, so he proceeds to go to the Compound, where Uncle Dave's "party" is taking place. The "party" is revealed to be the siege of the compound by the ATF. The Postal Dude manages to enter the compound and give Uncle Dave his gift, and in that very same moment the ATF finally manages to break into the compound, starting a massive gunfight against the Dude and Uncle Dave's religious cult. Since the beginning of Friday, the Postal Dude wants to desperately piss, and when he does so, it hurts, so he decides to go to the Clinic. Once there, the nurses tell him he has gonorrhea, and tell him to go and see Vend-A-Cure, a machine that after receiving a piss sample from the Dude, gives him some Gonorrhea Medicine to cure him.
After completing all the errands of Friday, the Paradise Times releases a special edition that announces the beginning of Apocalypse. During the Apocalypse, there is a sudden outbreak of violence and all people in Paradise are armed, fighting each other, and will immediately attack the Dude even if he isn't carrying a weapon. After the Dude manages to go back to his trailer, the Bitch asks him if he remembered her Rocky Road, an item she requested him to get for her since Monday, but that was never included as an errand. The Postal Dude then proceeds to shoot himself in the head so he can stop hearing her nagging.
Apocalypse Weekend[]
On Saturday, the Postal Dude wakes up in the Hospital, where he receives a note from the Bitch telling him she has decided to leave him. He also receives notes saying that his trailer has been taken away, and that Champ is in the Dog Pound to be "put asleep" on Sunday. Without any money, the Postal Dude proceeds to sell a sample of his semen, but as he does that, an experiment with cats goes out of control, with the scientists creating dervish cats. The dervish cats kill the scientists and escape from their laboratory. The gunshot wound also gave the Postal Dude hallucinations, in which he sees distorted versions of the locations he is in, and with Gary Coleman-esque creatures attacking him, some of them having diseased cow heads instead of their own. These hallucinations will appear for the rest of the weekend from time to time.
The Postal Dude eventually leaves the hospital, and feels really hungry, so he proceeds to go to the Greasy Panda restaurant in Lower Paradise. Once there, a group of "mad cow tourette" zombies appear and begin to attack everyone including the Dude, who has to destroy twenty of them. After doing so, a police officer arrives and tells him he likes his style, before hiring him to kill 21 cows infected with mad cow disease. Halfway through his mission, however, he is attacked by a group of vegetarians. After killing the infected cows and defeating the vegetarians, the police reappears and assigns the Postal Dude a Super-fun Pigeon Hunter Mission (which is never shown due to budgetary reasons as told by Vince Desi in a FMV cutscene). The Postal Dude then appears in Lower Paradise again, where he is contacted by Vince Desi, who rehires him. Vince asks the Dude to enter the headquarters of Bullfish Interactive, a rival company to RWS, and retrieve a Gold Master CD of Postal 2. The Dude enters the publisher office complex and battles the Bullfish Interactive security staff, until he arrives at CEO Phraud Hogslop's office. Hogslop refuses to give him the gold master, so the Postal Dude fights him in a boss battle. After defeating Hogslop, the Postal Dude is invited by Vince to go to his house for a party with the Postal Babes.
On Sunday, the Postal Dude wakes up after hearing some gunshots, and discovers a horde of zombies attacking Vince's house. The Postal Dude must destroy eighty of them, in which he accesses an armory full of weaponry downstairs, and after leaving Vince's house, he is addressed by Rosco, a Mexican running an elephant-themed business. Rosco tells the Postal Dude that if he helps him to kill 21 elephants at the Elephant Preserve and get their legs to make Elephant Foot waste baskets for children, he will give him some money as well as a ride into Lower Paradise. However, after killing the elephants, the Postal Dude receives a new phone call from Vince, who needs some help with the marketing and asks him to do something that can make the media say the "competition's toasted". The Postal Dude decides to enter a Terrorist Training Camp to get something to create a nice explosion, and after fighting a whole army of terrorists, he discovers that the terrorists have no massive weapons at all. In that very same time, the National Guard arrives, attack the camp, and arrests everyone in there, including the Postal Dude. The Dude is taken to the Military Base, where he is forced to battle a large group of soldiers until he finds a thermo-nuclear warhead and escapes the place.
The Postal Dude returns to Lower Paradise, where a terrorist is leading a meeting attended by other terrorists, vegetarians, zombies, and even Gary Coleman himself. The terrorist claims they are being oppressed, so they start a fight against civilians, the National Guard, and the Postal Dude. The Dude enters Bullfish Interactive's publisher office complex, only to discover it's being invaded by zombies. The Postal Dude places the warhead in Hogslop's office. The wall behind Hogslop's desk has been destroyed and reveals the Dog Pound. The Postal Dude goes to the pound to rescue Champ, but discovers that the place has been taken over by rednecks, who are using trained cats and dogs in gimp suits to kill people. The Postal Dude confronts a large group of rednecks, dogs, and dervish cats, only to discover Champ is missing. A final group of dogs have cornered the Postal Dude, but suddenly Champ breaks into the room from a glass ceiling, and single-handedly kills all the dogs.
The Postal Dude and Champ then proceed to leave Paradise before the warhead explodes, but they must cross a Bridge and find their trailer first. The bridge is also invaded by zombies, and the National Guard also arrives to confront the Postal Dude, with some jets even bombing the bridge. After crossing the bridge, the Postal Dude sees his trailer in the distance, but a zombified Mike J in his "Kosher Mad Cow Zombie" form appears and has a battle with the Postal Dude. After defeating Mike J, the Dude and Champ get into his car, and are seen driving away from Paradise just as the warhead explodes, destroying the entire Paradise in the process. The Postal Dude is last heard saying "I regret nothing" as he drives away from Paradise together with Champ in his trailer.
Paradise Lost[]
However, during the Postal Dude's escape, Champ sees a stray cat and gives chase. Thus, the Postal Dude turns his car around, heading back toward Paradise despite the Nuclear Fallout. Unfortunately, his head wound starts acting up causing him to crash his car and fall into a radiation induced coma where he dreams of a "future gone wrong".
He awakens eleven years later from a radiation induced coma, and sets out to find Champ in the ruins of Paradise.
Postal III[]
"I will regret nothing." — President Dude about to nuke the world
Following the destruction of Paradise, the Postal Dude finds himself in Paradise's sister town, Catharsis.
The Pre-Path[]
Being unemployed and broke, he gets a job at the local porn shop, working as a cleaner. After getting attacked by angry hockey moms, the Dude tries a different job collecting cats for a crazy homeless guy. While collecting the cats, he gets attacked by angry Chinese people trying to use the cats for sushi. As soon as that didn't work out for him, he got a job protecting playboy star Jennifer Wallcott and for a second time gets attacked by Hockey Moms. He fails at the job and does not earn money for it. The Postal Dude then goes to get a cash loan at which point the office gets taken over by Ecologists. At that point, he can choose to help the cops or the ecologists and the story progresses as you continue from there to a good, bad, or pacifist ending.
The Good Path[]
The Postal Dude joins the Police force, learns how to arrest people, goes on patrol stopping petty crime, has to protect Uwe Boll from nerds (or not), take down crazy hockey moms in an arcade, prevent illegal Mexican Al Qaeda from sneaking over the US border, stop crazed lab animals at a cosmetic lab, arresting AL (leader of the ecotologists), protect a gay rodeo, protect the mayor from Al Queda on a segway before having to kill him, Al, and Osama bin Laden at the Dave Land Amusement park. Unfortunately, the Venezuelan army attacks Catharsis with Hugo Chavez blocking the Dude's escape.
After killing Chavez, the Dude becomes a national hero, and eventually, the President of the United States, with Jen as his First Lady, and Champ as his Vice President. In the Oval Office, he sees a red doomsday button, saying his catchphrase before pressing the button.
The Insane Path[]
Should the Dude join the Ecotologist, he'll have to pick apples before having to take on Al Qaeda, take Champ to obedience school, repo segways, sneak out the Mayor's Malaysian slave boy out of city hall before the paparazzi see him, release animals from a cosmetics lab, transport explosive toys to Krotchy, sneak drugs across the border via footballs, escape prison with Al, kill Krotchy and take his suit, clean up crap at a gay rodeo, and take out Mexi-sushi douchebags, before escaping Catharsis after Mayor Chomo's speech is ruined.
Ultimately, he is caught by the United States military, and is executed alongside Champ. He tries to weasel his way into Heaven by detailing his story to St. Peter, but is rejected, and sent to hell for his crimes.
Pacifist Ending[]
Should the game be completed without killing anyone (apart from zombies and bosses), the Postal Dude is shown on a talk show with his new wife, Jen, and Champ where he talks about his new book and highly publicized lottery win.
Paradise Lost[]
Due to the events of Paradise Lost, the events of Postal III (regardless of the ending) have been retconned out of existence as nothing more than a dream of the Postal Dude's, with this version of the Postal Dude becoming a separate entity, known in the credits as "Alternate Postal Dude".
POSTAL 4: No Regerts[]
"Crap. Damn it champ, I thought you were guarding the car!" — Opening cutscene for Postal 4: No Regerts
Years after the events of Paradise Lost, the Postal Dude has finally left Paradise and has ended up in a new town called Edensin.
Monday[]
Whilst relaxing in a gas station bathroom, the Dude's car, trailer, and belongings were stolen, leaving him and Champ close penniless. With nothing more than a bathrobe, his dog, and $50, the Dude decides that he needs a job to earn some money if he wishes to move forward. The Dude creates a cardboard beggar sign and must deal with much rudeness and snide remarks from the citizens of Edensin whilst begging for a job. One citizen eventually directs the Dude to see Joseph Bellow at the Employment Agency. There, Bellow gives him three low-standard jobs: a prison guard, a sewer worker, and a wildlife relocator.
After completing each of these tasks, he then makes his way to a one-star motel on the west side of Edensin, meets the Skeevy Motel Owner running the motel, and books a room for the night.
Tuesday[]
The Dude wakes up the following morning to find that he's been given a fine for public loitering and vagrancy, which he is none too pleased about. He's then given a call from Bellow, who's left Edensin, but has given the Dude more jobs through his associate across the border in Mexico.
On making his way south, the Dude is then kidnapped by mariachi members, and introduced to their leader: El Plago, kingpin of Los Oscuros. El Plago gives him three jobs: tag turfing, border smuggling, and delivering a package to the pet shop in town, alongside paying his fine for loitering, which can be done at the police station.
After finishing the tasks, the Dude returns to El Plago's mansion, La Casa, to call it a day. When he gets there, he encounters the Skeevy Motel Owner again (though he isn't able to recognise him). He leads the Dude to his accommodation for the night: the donkey stables of La Casa.
Wednesday[]
The morning after, the Dude awakens in the estate of Mike J, Edensin's mayor. Mike is rather displeased with the Dude's activities in Mexico working for El Plago and Los Oscuros, but has extradited him back into America to lend a hand with his political campaign.
The Dude is given four jobs: cleaning the sewage waste flowing into the Mexican border town and preventing the Shit Banditos from using it in their taco meat, installing bidets into the toilets of the Wipe Compound and dealing with their leader, shutting down the grand opening of Kunny Island by disabling or destroying the power boxes, and petitioning for every citizen of Edensin to own a bidet.
After finishing all of these errands, Mike will contact the Dude, letting him know that he's booked him into a room at the lodge on the other side of the city. On making it there, he meets the Skeevy Motel Owner once more (still unable to recognize him), who assures him that he's booked into the best cabin in the lodge. The Dude then boards the cable car leading towards the mountains to rest for the night.
Thursday[]
Upon waking up in the lodge the next morning, the Dude learns that Champ has been kidnapped, and all of his possessions stolen and locked up by the residents: crazed, cannibalistic rednecks. He escapes the settlement with Champ in tow, and on the cable car ride back into town, he is confronted by Vince, now the kingpin of the Syndicate, a shady mob that runs Edensin behind the scenes.
He's tasked by Vince to complete four errands: fixing the upcoming scooter race to rig it in the Syndicate's favour, test the newest video game being developed at Koblomi Studios, interfere with Edensin's gubernatorial elections, and save the Pair-a-Dice Casino from being robbed by anti-gambling protestors.
On finishing all the errands, the Dude makes his way to the ERC for his accommodation. Having cottoned on to how the previous "accommodations" were anything but, however, he and Champ decide to excuse themselves, before encountering Vince. He attempts to talk his way out of staying the night at the ERC, but Vince won't accept no for an answer, and leads the Dude into the tower. To his surprise, the Dude ends up spending the night in luxury.
Friday[]
The morning after the party at the ERC, Vince wakes the Dude, telling him he has important business to attend to with his boss. On meeting "The Boss", and failing to enlist him in helping him find his trailer, the Dude is given three tasks for the day: stopping the Doomsday Cult from poisoning the Edensin Dam's water supply, pacifying the Mercenary group that's taken refuge in the Edensin Megamall, and capturing a prized artefact from a lost city beneath the town.
After finishing all three errands, the Apocalypse occurs, though the Dude is none too fazed. He's called up by "The Boss", who tasks him with killing his previous employers (this is skipped if the player is doing a Pacifist run). On killing Vince, Mike J and El Plago, he is again contacted by "The Boss", who tells him to meet him at the penthouse on top of the ERC.
At the penthouse, the Dude meets "The Boss" face-to-face, who reveals to him that he is, in fact, his father, the Postal Dude Sr. After some confusion regarding him apparently being dead, which the Postal Dude Jr. quickly calls him on, the Dude Sr. clarifies that the "Postal Dude Sr." in the grave back in Paradise was the Dude's stepfather. The Dude then asks if he's being recruited by his father to run the city together, though he is quickly shot down and given an explanation for the meeting: with every other power in Edensin defeated (the Syndicate, the Wipe Compound, Los Oscuros, Mike J, etc.), the Dude Sr. recognizes that only one person can challenge him: his own son. The two then fight to the death, with the Postal Dude coming out on top (though the fight can be skipped if the player drops milk on the table in the penthouse).
Regardless of how the fight ends, the Dude Sr. falls off of the ERC's balcony, only to be caught by the Dude. He tells his son that he was his only regret, and continues to fall off the tower, to his apparent demise. With nothing left in the town, the Dude and Champ decide to hightail it out of Edensin before it destroys itself. As they leave, they encounter the same mysterious man from the end of the other days, who tricks the Dude into buying his old trailer home again. Afterwards, the Dude and Champ ride off into the sunset.
Pacifist Ending[]
As Postal Dude and Champ walk away from Edensin as it blows up, the Dude is disappointed that they have to leave without the trailer but is still happy that they escaped together. As Dude happily announces that they do not need the trailer, a mysterious man seemingly appears in front of him, asking if he is the man looking for his missing trailer. He states that he wants to return it to him. The Dude turns and notices that his trailer is there, intact and safe. The Dude is momentarily joyful before becoming suspicious and asking if there is a catch. The stranger tells the Dude he has witnessed how, despite his remarkable resourcefulness, he has taken a merciful route. Therefore, he deems him worthy of the trailer.
The Postal Dude is confused and takes the keys before asking the figure if they have met before. The stranger assures him that he should not be worried about it, that he is a "concerned onlooker" before one final insist on claiming the trailer's keys.
As the Dude and Champ are walking towards to the trailer away from the stranger, talking to Champ about how they are lucky to overcome the week and commenting that maybe a guardian angel has been looking after them, the stranger's eyes flash under the darkness of his hat with POSTAL's menu sound before he sprouts dark, feathery wings. He quickly flies away from view. Postal Dude and Champ briefly turn around in confusion but quickly dismisses it.
As they drive off to the sunset, the background eventually turns into one of the loading screen images of Postal 1 (Specifically the Elementary school in POSTAL and The End in POSTAL REDUX.), as the screen fades to white with distorted static.
Trivia[]
- The Postal Dude's age has never been revealed, though POSTAL 2 lead designer Steve Wik describes him being in his late thirties to early forties in POSTAL 2.[1]
- The Postal Dude is also featured with longer hair in the promotional artwork for POSTAL. He keeps this trait in artwork celebrating the series' 25th anniversary.
- The actor who played the Postal Dude in the promotional material is unknown.
- In the POSTAL 2 beta shown at E3 2002, the Postal Dude had no glasses, exposing his reddish eyes, and he was much taller and thin. Later depictions (POSTAL 2 onwards) of the Dude gave him green eyes.
- The Postal Dude appears in Oh...Sir!! The Insult Simulator as a guest playable character, alongside Serious Sam and Lo Wang.
- Barring Krotchy, the Postal Dude is the only human character that cannot be gibbed or dismembered in Postal III.
- The Postal Dude also cannot be gibbed in POSTAL 4.
- The mugshot from the intro of Postal III lists the Dude's height as 6' 8".
- According to background dialogue from POSTAL 4 on Wednesday, the Postal Dude has a tapeworm.
- He also has an oversized bladder as mentioned in POSTAL 4, an in-joke regarding how much piss he can hold.
- According to Postal III's Insanity Ending, the Dude is a pedophile. However, given the game has since been retconned as a nightmare, the canonicy of this detail is subjective.
- This is also mentioned in the Postal Iceberg. The promotional posters of POSTAL indirectly mentions that he was dating a 17 year old. However, this is more likely due to an oversight due to conflicting information (One poster stating that "He told everyone I was his girlfriend, but I only met him once." while another with the same picture reads, "We just started dating three weeks ago.")
- The Postal Dude's favorite type of cheese is gruyère.
- In development footage of the first POSTAL, he was meant to have a black jacket like the original design. However, it was changed to red due to the black jacket blending into the background as a result of hardware limitations.
- The Postal Dude is a misanthrope[2] according to a voice line in POSTAL 2 and a twitter post that Running With Scissors posted.[3]
- The Postal Dude's favorite band is Nickelback, as stared by Mike J in one of his tiktoks.
Gallery[]
Characters in POSTAL | ||||
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Characters in POSTAL2 | ||||||||||
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Characters in Postal III | ||||||
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Characters in POSTAL4: No Regerts | ||||||||||
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Characters in POSTAL: Brain Damaged | ||||||||||||
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