| Who said Postal doesn't have a storyline?
This article may contain significant plot details, please read at your own risk.
|The Postal Dude|
The Postal Dude in Postal 2, the film adaptation and Postal III, respectively.
Running With Scissors
Jennifer Walcott (Postal 3)
|Played by||Vince Desi (Postal (non-demon)|
— The Postal Dude
The Postal Dude Jr. is the anti-hero of the Postal series. The Dude appears as calm and easy-going, but can be sociopathic and cynical when pushed to the edge. He often states he doesn't like video games after killing people, however he is seen supporting them, since at one point he sets up a petition to "Make Whiny Congressmen Play Violent Video Games." He wears his trademark leather trench coat and sunglasses at all times, though he can wear various outfits that will affect how the people of Paradise view him and will affect the HUD with unique designs as well.
The Postal Dude is ranked in the top 10 most brutal video game characters ever made, he is also very controversial, while in return RWS replies that they did not create the Dude as a violent person in the first place, and leave players free to decide if he will be good or evil.
The Dude makes his first appearance in Postal. Here, very little is known of the Dude, only that he's been evicted from his home (there's a moving van parked in front of his home on level one) and that he's been driven insane as a result, but no real back story evolves during the game. The manual, however, does mention that the Dude believes the town to be under some sort of madness outbreak and that it is up to him to stop it, as well as the in-game diary of the Dude ranting about "cleansing" the Earth.
The Postal Dude is never seen directly, only being seen as the player's sprite in gameplay and in the surreal images that play before each level, although his image is heavily distorted.
He wears a red trench coat in the original disk version of the game, a dark blue trench coat in Postal Plus, the GOG and Steam releases, and a black trench coat in Redux. The only clear image found of him is in concept art and in a photograph that appeared in Postal's advertising campaign. In the photograph, the Postal Dude differs greatly from his Postal 2 and 3 appearances, being a troubled young man with a mop haircut wielding an AK-47. In the Steam Trading Card Artwork and Profile Backgrounds, he uses his POSTAL 2 appearance with a plain blue T-shirt and fingerless gloves.
In Postal 2, he has moved out from his original home to the town of Paradise after accepting a job at the Running With Scissors video game developer company. He lives in a shabby trailer in a small neighborhood with his pet Champ the dog and his unnamed, bitchy wife, who continuously gives him orders and forces him to do various annoying errands. When the Postal Dude goes to the RWS headquarters on Monday, he is informed by Vince Desi that he is fired. This and a video game-protest mob by the Parents for Decency began his second reign of terror. After getting his check, the Dude then proceeds to go to cash the check in the Fee of America bank. Just as the Postal Dude is cashing his check, a group of bank robbers arrives to commit a stick-up. However, if the Dude breaks into the money bin to get the money from there, an alarm will sound and he will have his first clash against the Police. After cashing the check, the Postal Dude goes to Lucky Ganesh to get some milk. Once he returns home, he informs his wife the Bitch that he is "on some kind of vacation", so she decides to get him do more things for her for the rest of the week.
On Tuesday, the Postal Dude decides it is time to confess his sins, so he goes to the Church to be forgiven by a priest. However, a group of Taliban terrorists arrive and commit their attack, breaking into the Church, so the Dude must face a large group of them in order to get out of there. After that, the Postal Dude must get eight signatures for a petition to "make whiny congressmen play violent video games", which makes him deal with lots of rude civilians and prompts him to threaten them if they refuse to sign. The Postal Dude must then go to the Library to return a book his wife has been reading. However, once he has returned it, a group of book protestors break into the library, burning the building down and attacking everyone within it, including the Dude. He must find himself a way out of the library and fight many book protestors. Finally, he has to go to the Paradise Mall, where Gary Coleman has arrived to give autographed copies of his book. Once there, the Postal Dude gets his copy, but suddenly the Police arrives to arrest Gary, initiating a fight against him and his crew.
On Wednesday, the Postal Dude decides to go to the Cemetery and piss on his father's tombstone. When he does so, he is knocked unconscious by a group of rednecks who take him to the Brewery. When the Postal Dude wakes up in the Brewery, he realizes the rednecks have removed his own clothes and made him wear a Gimp Suit, so the Postal Dude adds one more errand that is going to Money Shot Laundromat to pick up his laundry. After fighting a large group of rednecks and getting out of the Brewery, people everywhere make fun of him until he gets his clothes back. Wednesday is also Election Day, and Cock Asian is hosting the elections. Also during Wednesday, the Dude goes to the Forest to get a Xmas Tree. Given that it is July, the trees are much cheaper. After looking at several trees, the Postal Dude finally chooses the right one, but summons rednecks to attack him.
On Thursday, the Postal Dude notes that the weeds in his garden are getting too tall, so he needs something extra strong and decides to buy a Napalm Launcher at the Napalm Factory. Once he manages to get the launcher, a factory worker vomits on the machines, causing a major disruption in the production process, resulting in a major explosion that destroys part of the factory. The Dude must find a way to get out of the factory via alternative ways. Also on Thursday, Krotchy has arrived at Paradise Mall, so the Dude must get a Krotchy Doll. When he arrives at Toyz 'n tha Hood, Krotchy tells him there are no more Krotchy dolls left, but the Postal Dude breaks into the store's back room anyway, and manages to get a doll from the storage. This calls the Police into the store in attempt to arrest him. After defeating the police and getting out of the back room, the Postal Dude has to confront Krotchy himself. During that same day, the Postal Dude wants to get some steaks for the Psychotic Friends Network BBQ his is planning to attend, so he goes to Meat World. However, there is no one attending in the butchery, so he goes to the back room, where he discovers some Butchers triturating people alive in a grinder. The butchers attack the Postal Dude for discovering them and entering into the back room. Once the Dude gets the steaks, the police enters the place and tries to arrest the Dude again for breaking into Meat World and stealing steaks. Finally, the Postal Dude must go to the Police Station to pay a Traffic Citation.
On Friday, the Postal Dude goes to the Junkyard to get an alternator to fix his broken car. Once he gets the alternator, a tower crushes over a fence containing some dogs, blocking the exit and letting the dogs out and attack the Dude until he gets out of the junkyard. On the same day, he gets a note that says there is a package for him, so he goes to the Parcel Center. However, when a Carrier gets it for the Dude, it explodes, making the carriers attack the Dude in retaliation. Friday is also Uncle Dave's birthday, and the Postal Dude wants to give him a Birthday Gift, so he proceeds to go to the Compound, where Uncle Dave's "party" is taking place. The "party" is revealed to be the siege of the compound by the ATF. The Postal Dude manages to enter the compound and give Uncle Dave his gift, and in that very same moment the ATF finally manages to break into the compound, starting a massive gun battle against the Dude and Uncle Dave's religious cult. Since the beginning of Friday, the Postal Dude wants to desperately piss, and when he does so, it hurts, so he decides to go to the Clinic. Once there, the nurses tell him he has gonorrhea, and tell him to go and see Vend-A-Cure, a machine that after receiving a piss sample from the Dude, gives him some Gonorrhea Medicine to cure him.
After completing all the errands of Friday, the Paradise Times releases a special edition that announces the beginning of Apocalypse. During the Apocalypse, there is a sudden outbreak of violence and all people in Paradise are armed, fighting each other, and will immediately attack the Dude even if he isn't carrying a weapon. After the Dude manages to go back to his trailer, the Bitch asks him if he remembered her Rocky Road, an item she requested him to get for her since Monday, but that was never included as an errand. The Postal Dude then proceeds to shoot himself in the head so he can stop listening to his wife.
On Saturday, the Postal Dude wakes up in the Hospital, where he receives a note from the Bitch telling him she has decided to leave him. He also receives notes saying that his trailer has been taken away, and that Champ is in the Dog Pound. Without any money, the Postal Dude proceeds to sell a sample of his semen, but as he does that, an experiment with cats goes out of control, with scientists obtaining dervish cats. The dervish cats kill the scientists and escape from their laboratory. The head shot also gave the Postal Dude hallucinations, in which he sees distorted versions of the places he is in, and with Gary Coleman-esque creatures attacking him, some of them having diseased cow heads instead of their own. These hallucinations will appear for the rest of the weekend from time to time.
The Postal Dude eventually leaves the hospital, and feels really hungry, so he proceeds to go to the Greasy Panda restaurant in Lower Paradise. Once there, a group of zombies appear and begin to attack everyone including the Dude, who has to destroy twenty of them. After doing so, a police officer arrives and tells him he likes his style, and hires him to kill twenty-one cows infected with mad cow disease. After completing his mission, however, he is attacked by a group of vegetarians. After killing the cows and defeating the vegetarians, the policeman reappears and assigns the Postal Dude the Super-fun Pigeon Hunter Mission, which is never shown. The Postal Dude then appears in Lower Paradise again, where he is contacted by Vince Desi, who rehires him and asks him to enter the headquarters of Bullfish Interactive, a rival company to RWS and to retrieve a Gold Master. The Dude enters the publisher office complex and battles the Bullfish Interactive security staff, until he arrives to CEO Phraud Hogslop's office. Hogslop refuses to give him the gold master, so the Postal Dude fights him in a boss battle. After defeating Hogslop, the Postal Dude is invited by Vince to go to his house to a party with the Postal Babes.
On Sunday, the Postal Dude wakes up after hearing some shots, and he discovers a horde of zombies attacking Vince's house. The Postal Dude must destroy eighty of them, and after leaving Vince's house, he is addressed by Rosco, a Mexican running an elephant business. Rosco tells the Postal Dude that if he helps him to kill twenty-one elephants at the Elephant Preserve to get their legs to make waste baskets for children, he will give him some money and a ride to Lower Paradise. However, after killing the elephants, the Postal Dude receives a new phone call from Vince, who needs some help with the marketing and asks him to do something that can make the media say the "competition's toasted". The Postal Dude decides to enter the Terrorist Training Camp to get something to create a nice explosion, and after fighting a whole army of terrorists, he discovers that the terrorists have no massive weapons at all. In that very same time, the National Guard arrives and attacks the camp and arrests everyone in there, including the Postal Dude. The Dude is taken to the Military Base, where he is forced to battle a large group of soldiers until he finds a thermo-nuclear warhead and escapes the place.
The Postal Dude returns to Lower Paradise, where a terrorist is leading a meeting attended by other terrorists, vegetarians, zombies and even Gary Coleman himself. The terrorist claims they are being oppressed, so they start a fight against civilians, the National Guard and the Postal Dude. The Dude enters Bullfish Interactive's publisher office complex, only to discover it is invaded by zombies. The Postal Dude places the warhead in Hogslop's office. The wall behind Hogslop's desk has been destroyed and reveals the Dog Pound. The Postal Dude goes to the pound to rescue Champ, but discovers that the place has been taken over by rednecks, who are using trained cats and dogs in gimp suits to kill people. The Postal Dude confronts a large group of rednecks, dogs and dervish cats, only to discover Champ is missing. A final group of dogs have cornered the Postal Dude, but suddenly Champ breaks into the room from a glass ceiling, and single-handedly kills all the dogs.
The Postal Dude and Champ then proceed to leave Paradise before the warhead explodes, but they must cross the Bridge and find the trailer first. The bridge is also invaded by zombies, and the National Guard also arrives to confront the Postal Dude, with some jets even bombing the bridge. After crossing the bridge, the Postal Dude sees his trailer in the distance, but Mike J the "Kosher Mad Cow Zombie" appears and in a final boss battle with the Postal Dude. After defeating Mike J, the Dude and Champ get into his car, and are seen driving away from Paradise just as the warhead explodes, detonating the entire Paradise in the process. The Postal Dude is last heard saying "I regret nothing" as he drives away from Paradise together with Champ.
Paradise Lost Edit
However, during the Postal Dude's escape, Champ sees a stray cat and gives chase. Thus, the Postal Dude turns his car around, heading back toward Paradise despite the Nuclear Fallout. Unfortunately, his head wound starts acting up causing him to crash his car and fall in the a radiation induced coma where he dreams of a future gone wrong. He awakens eleven years later.
Following the destruction of Paradise in Postal 2, the Postal Dude moves to Paradise's sister town Catharsis in Postal III. Being unemployed and broke, he gets a job at the local porn shop, working as a cleaner. After getting attacked by angry hockey moms the Dude tries a different job collecting cats for a crazy homeless guy. While collecting the cats he gets attacked by angry Chinese people trying to use the cats for sushi. As soon as that didn't work out for him, he got a job protecting playboy star Jeniffer Wallcott and for a second time gets attacked by hockey moms. He fails at the job and does not earn money for it. The Postal Dude then goes to get a cash loan at which point the office gets taken over by ecologists. At that point he can choose to help the cops or the ecologists and the story progresses as you continue from there to a good, bad, or pacifist ending. All of which are meaningless after the events of Paradise Lost.
The Good Path Edit
The Postal Dude joins the Police force, learns how to arrest people, goes on patrol stopping petty crime, has to protect Uwe Bowl from nerds (or not), take down crazy hockey moms in an arcade, prevent illegal Mexican Al Queda from sneaking over the US border, stop crazed lab animals at a cosmetic lab, arresting AL (leader of the ecotologists), protect a gay rodeo, protect the mayor from Al Queda on a segway before having to kill him, Al, and Osama bin Laden at the Dave Land Amusement park. Unfortunately, the Venezuelan army attacks Catharsis with Hugo Chavez blocking the Dude's escape.
The Insane Path Edit
Should the Dude join the Ecotologist, he'll have to pick apples before having to take on Al Queda, take Champ to obedience school, repo segways, sneak out the Mayor's Malaysian slave boy out of city hall before the paparazzi see him, release animals from a cosmetics lab, transport explosive toys to Krotchy, sneak drugs across the border via footballs, escape prison with Al, kill Krotchy and take his suit, clean up crap at a gay rodeo, and take out Mexi-sushi douchebags, before escaping Catharsis.
Pacifist Ending Edit
Should the game be completed without killing anyone (zombies and bosses don't count), the Postal Dude is shown on a talk show with his new wife, Jen Wallcot, and Champ where he talks about his new book and highly publicised lottery win.
Paradise Lost Edit
Due to the events of Paradise Lost, the events of Postal III (no matter the ending) have been retconned out of existence as nothing more than a coma dream, with this version of the Postal Dude becoming a separate person known in the credits as "Alternate Postal Dude".
- The Postal Dude's age has never been revealed, the Postal concepts from 1996 mentions that he is 27 years old.
- In the Postal 2 beta shown at E3 2002, the Postal Dude had no glasses, exposing his reddish eyes, and he was much taller and thin.
- In the Postal games, he is called the Postal Dude because he is the representative character for the series. In the film, he is called the Postal Dude by the people of Paradise because they blamed him on going postal at the Little Germany festival and causing a massacre, when in fact Al Qaeda were largely responsible for the death toll.
- In Postal, the voice heard in game play played by Rick Hunter isn't the Postal Dude, it was intended for it to be another voice, possibly of supernatural origin, in his head commanding him to kill. This is verifiable by the fact that within the game files, Hunter's voice clips are labelled as "demon" and that, when taking damage, the Postal Dude's grunts and screams sound nothing like the voice actor. It was eventually confirmed by Marphy Black, lead designer of Paradise Lost, that they belonged to Vince Desi.
|Characters in Postal²|
|Postal Dude | The Bitch | Champ | Vince Desi | Mike J | Habib | Gary Coleman | Krotchy | Larry the Crab | Uncle Dave | Osama | Phraud Hogslop | Junkyard Guy | Earl | Rosco | T. Dude, Sr. | Lieberman | Zombie Dad | Easter Bunny | Zack Ward | Big McWillis | Yeeland | Old Man | John Murray | Milo Yiannopoulos | PU CEO | Two-Ears | That Beloved Bookcase|
|Law Enforcement Organizations|
|Police | SWAT | National Guard | ATF | Lawmen | Survivalists|
|RWS Protestors | Book Protestors | Rednecks | Butchers | Carriers | Vegetarians | Food Technicians | Game Devs | Gingers | Bandits|
|Civilians | RWS Staff | Robbers | Marching Band | Terrorists | Priests | Coleman's Crew | Religious Zealots | Postal Babes | Security Staff | Zombies | Skeletons | Fags | Cole-Men | HAAT | DEET | Robots|
|Dogs | Cats | Elephants | Cows | Monkeys | Dinosaurs|
|Characters in Postal III|
|The Postal Dude | Champ | Krotchy | Mayor Chomo | Randy Jones | Jennifer Walcott | Sergey Mavrodi | Uncle Dave | Lt. Deutschbagge | Al | Osama | Uwe Boll | Hugo Chavez|
|Law Enforcement Organizations|
|Police | SWAT|
|Civilians | Al Qaeda | Postal Babes | Hockey Moms | Nerds | Ecotologists | Hell's A-Holes Segway Biker Gang | Venezuelan Army|
|Dogs | Cats | Monkeys | Badger Saw | Rhino | Bee hive|
|POSTAL filmCharacters in the|
|The Postal Dude | Uncle Dave | Richard | Faith | Verne Troyer | George W. Bush | Officer John | Officer Greg | The Bitch | Krotchy/Vince Desi | Uwe Boll | Harry | Champ|
|Osama | Mohammed | Habib | Asif | Nabi|
|Civilians | Police | Religious Cult|