| Who said Postal doesn't have a storyline?
This article may contain significant plot details, please read at your own risk.
Postal, as its name suggests, is the film adaption of the games in the series. It was directed by Uwe Boll, and stars Zack Ward as the Postal Dude, an unemployed man who lives with his wife in a trailer park in the town of Paradise, much like Postal 2.
The film begins with a prologue, showing Asif and Nabi, a fictional portrayal of two of the Flight 11 hijackers during the 9/11 attacks, debating about the amount of virgins they get as a reward for carrying out the attacks. After a long debate, they decide to call Osama bin Laden, their leader, to find out the exact amount. Osama tells them that there "are not enough virgins to go around", and upon hearing this, the two hijackers abandon the attack in dismay and happily change their flight path to the Bahamas. At this moment, however, the passengers of the plane storm the cockpit and attempt to retake the plane (this was based on what happened on Flight 93, one of the other hijacked aircrafts during 9/11). In the struggle, the terrorists try and reason with the passengers, but to no avail, and ultimately, the plane inadvertently flies into the North tower of the World Trade Center.
The film takes place in Paradise, Arizona. A man known only as "Dude" begins living on the edge after he gets insulted and ridiculed at a job interview, and catches his wife cheating on him on several occasions. He gets a letter from his uncle Dave, inviting him to a party taking place at his compound. When Dude gets there, Dave tells him that he is in debt and needs to work out a plan to get the money to pay it off. Without a parnter to assist, Dave asks Dude to help him with his plan, but at first Dude is hesitant as he previously got arrested for working with him, but eventually accepts. Dave soon comes up with a plan to steal a shipment of 2000 Krotchy Dolls at the Little Germany festival, and sell them for $4000 each. Unbeknownst to Dave and Dude, however, Al Qaeda also plans on stealing the dolls but for a different purpose - to fill them with Avian influenza and sell them to Western children so that the organization does not suffer any membership losses through suicide bombing.
Dude manages to hijack a delivery truck from a parking lot, and intends on using it to transport Dave and his cult to the festival, and to transport the 2000 Krotchy Dolls back to the compound. Using false "Hitler" mustaches and Swastika armbands as disguises, the cult sneak into the warehouse containing the dolls at the Little Germany festival. While they are loading the dolls into the delivery truck however, at the festival the Krotchy mascot reveals himself to be Vince Desi, Running With Scissors CEO. He attacks Uwe Boll during an interview for "ruining his game", and chaos erupts. During the scuffle, Al Qaeda storm the festival and begin shooting at everyone there, resulting in mostly children being killed. Dude, Dave and the cult manage to escape with the dolls and Verne Troyer, and drive back to the compound while being chased by angry citizens, Officers John and Greg, and Al Qaeda.
When the cult return to the compound, they notice it has been taken over by Al Qaeda terrorists. Using stealth, they manage to sneak into the underground bunker in the compound, which is filled with guns and explosives. Richie, Daves right-hand man, reveals that the cult's Good Book prophecy must be fulfilled, in which the human race must be made extinct. He also reveals that in order for this to happen, a tiny entertainer must be raped by a thousand monkeys, and the cult leader must be killed. Verne Troyer is thrown into a cell and is raped by chimpanzees, and Richie shoots Dave in the chest, killing him. The cult imprison Dude, but he manages to escape and takes a load of weapons, planning on getting revenge for his uncles death and to take out his long-awaited anger in the town.
Dude heads to his trailer, where he plans on planting explosives to blow up his unfaithful wife. On the way, the barista who served him at a coffee shop earlier before meets up with him, and the two join forces together. The two blitz the entire town, killing all the Al Qaeda attackers and angry townsfolk. During the shootout, it is revealed that Osama is the only survivor of the Al Qaeda terrorists, and uses a payphone to contact George W. Bush and request a helicopter out of the town.
After killing almost everyone in town, Dude, his dog Champ and Faith drive out of the town in a Police Car. Upon listening to the radio, they learn that George W. Bush blames the day's outbreak of violence on China and India, and plans on destroying the two countries with nuclear warheads. In response, China launches 30 nuclear warheads to destroy the US. Before driving on, Dude takes out a detonator from his pocket. He calmly says "I regret nothing", and detonates his trailer, killing his wife, Officer John and Officer Greg in the explosion.
The film cuts to the final scene showing George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden skipping hand-in-hand in a field. The nuclear warheads are also seen hitting various areas of the US, ultimately destroying most of the country. Osama says to George - "Georgie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.", and the film ends.
- It is unknown if the Dude, Champ and Faith survived the nuclear warhead attacks. Judging by the warheads destroying most, if not all of the country, it is unlikely they did.
- Dude's last words in the film, "I regret nothing", is an homage to Apocalypse Weekend. At the end of the game, Postal Dude says the same words upon destroying Paradise with a nuclear bomb. In turn, this was an homage to the original Postal, in which he would say the words upon the player pressing the Suicide key. This also becomes a refence in both endings of Postal 3, except in the Good Ending, the Dude's exact words are actually "I will regret nothing".
- During production, Vince Desi and Steve Wik pitched a darker, grittier script of the Postal story to Uwe Boll, but Boll turned it down, fully intent on making the movie a platform for satire.
- The movie was a Box Office Bomb, only earning $146,741 rather than its $15 million budget.