The Ensmallen Cure is a special weapon acquired in Paradise Lost at the close of Thursday. Created by Gary Coleman by pissing in the chemical solution, this cure is intended for use by the Postal Dude on Champ to shrink him down from his gargantuan size. However, the Dude decides to test it to see if it works first. He tries it on "Big McWillis" (actually Coleman on a larger man's shoulders), and it works, causing the larger man to shrink down and break the wooden bridge, causing Coleman to fall into the abyss. This prompts the Cole-Men to attack the Dude on the grounds of him killing their leader.

During the Apocalypse, the Cure can also be used on random civilians around Paradise to shrink them to a smaller size, rendering them mostly helpless, although they can still kick the Dude in the shins.

The cure can be used multiple times on the same target, decreasing their size each time. Any damage inflicted on them increases each time, to the point a single attack can instagib someone.

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