Outside view of the emporium. The "Health Pipes for Sale" sign is visible next to the entrance.

The Emporium of the Local Health Pipe Distributor is a house located in Home. As the name suggests, it sells Health Pipes. Ironically, the emporium is located right next to the house a couple of ATF agents. The Postal Dude can either get in line and pay for a health pipe, or steal it from the desk of the Local Health Pipe Distributor, which also contains some Cash. Doing so will result in the distributor attacking the Postal Dude. There is also an "Employees only" room, which contains another health pipe, more cash, and even weapons. Entering the place, however, will also result in another attack by the distributor as well as the man in the room, who is armed with a Machine Gun. The loot in this room changes each day. Starting Thursday, a SWAT unit can be found outside the connecting garage, who may come running if they hear gunfire.

If The Dude pisses off the distributor in any way, he will remain hostile for the rest of the game - even if he is killed, he respawns each time the map is entered (the same applies to the Lucky Ganesh, except the unique clerk is replaced by a generic Terrorist). Fortunately, even on Hestonworld difficulty, he is susceptible to a one-hit KO from most melee weapons including the shovel; if the Dude kicks in the door and charges in, he can be dealt with before he has a chance to draw his shotgun and deal damage (potentially negating the acquired health pipes). Thus, given the steep price of the pipes ($100 a pipe on HW difficulty) and their common availability, it is often more worth it to just kill, steal, and pillage.

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